…confessions from the inbox onto the walls
We are four siblings; three sisters and one boy. I’ve never really felt the need for our mother to constantly warn us about men and how awful they can be. Rather, I’ve always believed we’ve grown enough pubic hair to be able to take care of ourselves; or that’s just a hyperbole.
One day, during our usual television-watching ritual in the hall, a scene caught her attention and she threw the bombshell.
“Should any of you get pregnant, you know what I will do? she turned to look at the last of my sisters. “I’ll just pack about three clothes, add one big veil; off you go- to your baby father’s house,” she remarked almost seriously.
“Mummy?! No marriage? You will just donate us like that?” my little sister asked amidst my echoing laughter.
“3h3? Who do you want to shame? Me? You lie! I refuse to be the topic of public ridicule.”
My laughter grew louder. Though she sounded subtle, I just couldn’t believe our mother would harbor thoughts of disowning her own daughter just because she got pregnant out of wedlock.
But those words were supposed to scare us. They were to send a strong signal that whatever wheelbarrowing or shoveling or whatever style we did was not to be accompanied by a gift to be unwrapped in nine months.
But why should that be so?
Francis Kennedy Ocloo asks on his Facebook wall:
“What is so abominable about a pregnant young woman that makes society judge her so much into inadvertent suicide through abortions?
Why would churches, which are supposed to be the places where sinners go from for redemption make it a sole motive to disgrace, discourage, denigrate and totally condemn a pregnant young girl and shame her publicly, while the men and boys who were part of the mutual act are left off the hook, while the girl is pointed at, disowned, and treated in all sorts of horrible ways?
Eventually, as always, the babies they give birth to are not carrying horns on their heads or pitchforks; neither do they set the house on fire or cause a flood. They are wonderful innocent babies, some with the potential of doing something great.
Why does society throw all its frustrations at a young pregnant girl?
Do we know how many of them got pregnant due to date rape, threats, and forced coercion? Even if it was innocent love, does society, especially Christians have the right to castigated them like this?
If that’s how Mary was treated, she probably would have had an abortion and there would be no baby Jesus.”
Well, the experiences you are about to read are unedited stories from anonymous bold people who decided to share their stories with the world through his facebook inbox. On The Wall features all the real confessions from inbox and DMs onto the walls. Below are my best stories.
Story 1: My father threatened to kill my baby
My first boyfriend and I had two abortions. He never liked protection. On the third pregnancy, I told him I wouldn’t abort then he said I should count him out. My father is the strict type so I was really scared. I begged my guy but he wouldn’t listen. He stopped talking to me entirely.
In the meantime, I’ve been having nightmares about the pregnancy. I always see plenty babies in my dream begging me not to get rid of them. I was really scared but I had to give in finally when my father suspected I was pregnant and threatened to cut my stomach and take out the baby.
I called this guy. He took me to Korle-Bu and his colleague gave me medicine which didn’t work after three days. I went to a herbalist and that one too didn’t work. He took me to another hospital and the doctor did the abortion. The doctor asked him to let me lie down for a while because I screamed and I was in so much pain but he refused, saying he had to go back to work. So he took me to a friend’s house to rest.
The pain!! I thought I would die. I begged God. My friend prayed and prayed. After sleeping for a while, I had to go home because my dad comes home at 7 pm.
The nightmare changed to babies tormenting me. I prayed and prayed and asked for forgiveness. When I got married, I told God not to remember my past because my husband is a good man who loves children and doesn’t deserve to father a child. God listened. He gave us a child. She’s older now and we can’t have another.
I’ve been to different hospitals, Korle Bu, Ridge, 37, private hospitals but they all give me different reports. I‘m only hoping and praying I can have another one if it’s God’s will.
I’ve never talked about it until we started having problems with child birth so I had to tell my husband which we are praying together.
He’s a good man and doesn’t deserve this. The story of that guy and I is a horrible one. He took me through hell. He made me roughened up because I was too naive.
He really took me through hell and back
Men are really to blame.
Story 2: I got raped by a priest
At 14 years old in secondary school, I was raped by a Priest of a certain religion (name withheld but your guess is as good as mine), who swear the oath of celibacy. He warned and threatened me not to tell anyone or else I’d face the wrath of God so I kept quiet.
A couple of weeks later I fell sick and was vomiting. I couldn’t go for classes. He checked up on me after class and I told him I wasn’t feeling well. Next day he gave me a white envelope and transportation fare to go see a particular doctor in the government hospital. I went to see the doctor and gave him the envelope. He gave me an injection and when I woke up I was lying on a hospital bed. I experienced some discomfort in my lower abdomen. After resting for a while, the doctor called a taxi which took me back to school. It then dawned on me that I had gone through an abortion.
Well, I haven’t been able to tell my parents up till today because they are also the very strict types and they had entrusted me into the care of this ‘man of God’ because of his strict principles. But look what he did to me.
I don’t know what the future holds for me in terms of childbirth. I constantly think about that baby; I would imagine if it was a boy or a girl. That child would have been 20yrs by now.
Parents should take their children as their friends and stop being judgmental and be behaving like terrorists. Most children, even if they are in trouble, would run to their parents if they see them as friends they can trust. Most of the abortion stories mentioned that they were afraid of what parents or guardians would do to them. Sometimes, abortion is not by choice but by force.
Story 3: Sued for giving birth
I was in level 300 in the university when I entered a relationship with a big man in SSNIT. The relationship ended exactly six weeks after, under very unfortunate circumstances. Three days after, I realized I hadn’t had my period so the next day I did a home test and realized I was pregnant. Haaaa! I went to two different hospitals, to be triple sure, and my fears came upon me.
I told the man and he immediately tried being funny. Well, long story short, he refused responsibility and took me to the Domestic Violence and Victims Support Unit (DOVVSU), then finally to court after my family could not do much to bring him to order. Eventually, I was left alone.
I managed to go through level 400. God was faithful to me. I sold second-hand clothing after lectures to look after myself.
Here is a man who has two very influential uncles. Both of his uncles gave me money individually, but stopped at a point and told me to go and continue the case with him in court.
Life was not easy for because I am an orphan; no family support but I was determined to keep the baby. God was merciful to me and the OWNER OF PROVITA took care of me till I had my baby. All those while, I HAD NEVER FOR ONCE THOUGHT OF ABORTION, rather, I loved the baby that was inside of me-especially when I got to know she was a girl.
So we continued the case in court and I am certain he bribed the judge to rule in his favour.
It’s not easy but God saw me through.
Today, that angel is a source of my blessings from God.
Story 4: My mother hates me
I think having an abortion is a choice. Many will say they were forced to have an abortion and what not but if you study their cases well, you would see that there are underlying issues like financial, educational and most importantly the general “not being ready to have a baby” which the woman considers before she assents to have an abortion.
A friend told me point blank that his mother doesn’t love him and how his aunt had taken care of him since birth. I was shocked so I asked him why. He told me his mother had him in her late teens. He told me his mother didn’t even breastfeed him as a baby and was always depressed and angry after his birth (so he was told by his aunt). The family took him away from her fearing that she might even kill the baby. He had told me occasionally that the first thing his mother told him after seeing him for the first time in 12 years was “Wo na wo s3e me life no” to wit you destroyed my life.
Now an adult and in the University, he walks around carrying this burden and that any time he prays, he prays to God to turn his mother’s heart around. One time when he was consoling another friend who had lost his mother he said “…You de3 at least you have good memories you are going to live with. Me I have a mother who is alive but doesn’t even want to acknowledge my existence”.
After hearing his story I realized that the girl should have a choice in choosing whether to keep or abort the baby. Although there might be consequences, it still should be a choice. Though we can counsel and give the girl or woman support to keep the baby. Society may have its views and criticisms but in the end, why give birth and torment a child like this if you weren’t ready.
Story 5: Karma?
With my experience, I won’t encourage any young girl today to do abortion.
I won’t say marrying for 12 years without any fruits of the womb was as a result of reckless abortions I did in the past; out of foolish love and ignorance, because I am not God and do not know why. But it is a regret to have seeds and kill them and later look for same seeds with thousands of dollars without avail.
My first abortion, I was 18. My boyfriend who never married me brought some ball called bomb that looked like “adakuwa”, the size of medium size tomato from a herbalist. He encouraged me to insert. I did. It melted. I bled almost to death. I was saved, I can’t narrate the ordeal.
Second abortion was the same boy. This time we went to see a doctor who did it for us. That wasn’t as painful as the first; this came with emotional trauma- lying on the bed as the doctor did his thing.
Later in life, I realized I was not even getting pregnant again when I wasn’t in my safe period. I was alarmed but I wasn’t married so what was the big deal? I got married, and as Job said, what I feared most came to me.
At my age, I have closed up my mind. My husband out of frustrations has two children elsewhere, my consolation: my ex too does not have children, so that may be our reward.
Story 5 (b)
I got pregnant after 6 months when I had my second daughter. Because of the pain, I went through after the birth of my two children, I told myself I won’t get pregnant for him again. It was all out of pain.
I told my husband I was pregnant and he became furious. He said he wasn’t in the position for another child. Which I know wasn’t true. We went to see my doctor and he said I can keep it, but he was still adamant. So I had to get rid of the baby because then I wasn’t working.
Fast forward 7 years and I haven’t been able to conceive again. I sit and cry for hours and days because I have never missed my period. I get my in-laws asking me for a third child; my friends I got married before all have 3 kids and I haven’t missed a period.
Abortion is murder and I know it is a grievous sin against God. I was young then and I didn’t have a mom to advise me, I will never encourage any young woman married or unmarried to go in for Abortion. It is not easy but God still has mercy on us.
Story 6: Against all odds
I was 16 when a teacher my father contacted to teach. Elective Maths and Science for my O’Levels forcibly had his way with me and got me pregnant. He took me to a hospital to have an abortion. As we sat waiting for the doctor, I excused myself to use the washroom. I ran away home.
At night, my father called me and said he had a dream and saw me in a coffin. I thank God I did not go ahead with the abortion. I had a son. He came to perform the naming ceremony. Everyone called him my husband, so in my little child mind, I saw him as such, a husband and kept the sleeping with him. By the time I realized I was pregnant again. Tso!
He was very angry and disowned it out right. My parents were very angry and disappointed in me. I was left on my own and struggled through life with my two children at 18 years. I picked my life up, started teaching and doing odd jobs. I enrolled in a school wrote my O and A’ Levels and continued to the university. Today I have MBA. My son is a lawyer and my daughter is head of
He came to perform the naming ceremony. Everyone called him my husband, so in my little child mind, I saw him as such, a husband and kept the sleeping with him. By the time I realized I was pregnant again. Tso! He was very angry and disowned it out right. My parents were very angry and disappointed in me. I was left on my own and struggled through life with my two children at 18 years. I picked my life up, started teaching and doing odd jobs. I enrolled in a school wrote my O and A’ Levels and continued to the university. Today I have MBA. My son is a lawyer and my daughter is head of
Today I have MBA. My son is a lawyer and my daughter is head of corporate banking. I told myself my children will not suffer because of my mistakes. I was responsible for my wrongs and life has turned around for me by the Grace of God. This is to encourage someone to pick up the pieces, focus and right the wrongs. And God will add his blessings to complete it.
And finally…one facebooker puts the blame on the church:
Think about churches like the Pentecost church that publicly humiliate and shame pregnant women, as if they are the vilest and evil people on earth, especially when they are poor. It is shocking how church and society is so judgmental about pregnancies when in truth some of the most wonderful people I have met are people who were actuality born out of wedlock and raised by single moms”
I couldn’t agree more: why would any group of people JUDGE a “couple” who got pregnant out of wedlock.
I know you’d be excommunicated by being secluded to sit in the very last pew, alone; last to give an offering; barred from taking communion; last to dance alone among others. I don’t know if modernity has changed this kind of mentality of judging humans on earth because they had sex and got pregnant and KEPT the evidence.
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